Why We Chose Courtship

A few years ago I read Joshua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and saw the flaws in America's dating philosophy. The puppy-mill of relationship after relationship held no charm for me. Why would I want to waste the precious time God has given me on this earth on one boy after the other? No way, Jose! I decided that if Christ could conquer death, He could find my husband. He definitely didn't need my help! By God's grace he granted me a wonderful, godly young man without much waiting. Even after "The wait" we decided that courtship was a better way to go.

    Purposefulness

The first thing that differentiates courtship from dating is it's purposefulness. As opposed to dating, where it's generally seen as a temporary relationship just "for fun", the goal of courtship is getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage. In our relationship Matthew made it clear from the beginning that he intended to marry me. Courtship doesn't always end in marriage, and that's OK, but it is still a relationship with the purpose of finding a spouse. 

     Parental Involvement

In courtship the parents are more involved than they would be in dating. First the young man would talk to his own parents and pray with them about the possibility of courting a young lady. Once his parents had prayed about it and given their blessing he would talk to the young lady's parents. Once her father had given his permission he could go to the girl and ask her to begin a relationship with him. 

This isn't always possible and can be modified based on the situation, if there are unbelieving parents involved, or they aren't in the area, or some other obstacle. The exact motions aren't the point. The main point is seeking to guard everyone involved, but specifically the young lady. I've found that us girls tend to be more emotional and more easily swayed than guys are. We tend to fall for the first guy who pays attention to us. I thought it was beneficial to have my daddy filter them for me.

Parents are involved throughout the whole thing. They keep an eye on the couple and protect them from making stupid decisions. They also help them prepare for marriage.

     Purity

One of the goals of courtship is to remain sexually pure until marriage. While this is a goal in most, if not all Christian relationships, courtship holds this standard very highly. Seeking to honor Christ and His word in this. We personally decided not to kiss before marriage. This isn't necissary, and we don't think poorly of couples who haven't made this decision, but we thought this was one way to help us remain pure. This brings me to my next point which is....

     Chaperones

While this is not essential in all courtships, we have decided it would be part of ours. Matthew and I decided that we didn't want to be alone together until we were married. This is within reason of course. We will go into the other room while my parents are in the kitchen or living room so we can talk, but we keep the doors open and there are generally little boys running back and forth. We are finding as we get closer to marriage that this commitment is very helpful! 

These are the main reasons we decided to court instead of date. Of course every relationship is different, and every definition is different as well. I would recommend praying about it and seeing how the Lord leads you to glorify Him. Glorifying Christ should be the goal, no matter what you decide to call it.